Holding On
by punkiemonkie
Summary: They’re young, but Tifa quickly finds herself falling for the boy next door, Cloud. There’s a deadline lurking on the horizon though; one that will turn her world upside down. Sometimes, holding on hurts more than letting go. --Slightly AU. Cloud/Tifa--
1. Chapter I

**(A/N) **This is only _slightly_ alternate universe, because just the timelines and events from the canon material (in this case the original _FFVII_ game and/or _Crisis Core_) are changed; they don't live in an entirely different world like in my other AU story, _To Have Loved and Lost_. O.o This is my second attempt at writing a tragedy story, and it's told from Tifa's point of view. :3 Oh, and I'm using Roman numerals again for the chapters, because they're awesome. ;P

**Holding On  
**Chapter I

I trudge along the little path that leads back towards my house, listening to the sound of the heavy rain falling around me and my boots sloshing through the muddy puddles that have formed in the road. It's mid February in Nibelheim, and the winter season is starting to give way to spring, so there really aren't that many extremely cold or rainy days anymore. The huge, dark rain clouds that moved in from over the mountains apparently had other ideas though, because they decided to pour on us for the past few days.

Although I do have a pretty good sense of balance, I still keep my eyes focused on the ground as I walk, so I won't accidentally trip and drop the paper bag I'm carrying in my arms. I went to the local market today to buy some groceries, and I'd really hate to ruin all the food by making it fall into the mud. Since my mother died when I was young, I've had to help my dad out with some of the household chores, especially the cooking. I don't mind much though; I actually enjoy the responsibility.

I'll be turning sixteen in May, but I've already been done with my schooling for over a year, because in a town as small as this we just don't have the resources to continue with education. Most of the kids end up moving away after they get older anyway, though I don't plan to, because I love it here. It's felt a little empty lately though, because a lot of the boys that used to live here ended up leaving to join the ShinRa army when they turned eighteen, to help with the war going on right now in Wutai.

I'm startled from my thoughts when the rain, which has been soaking my hair and splashing off my clothes the whole time I've been outside today, suddenly isn't falling on me anymore. Puzzled, I stop mid-step and look up, noticing that there is someone standing by my side. I'm even more surprised when I recognize who it is; it's Cloud, the boy with spiky blond hair and bright blue eyes that grew up in the house next to mine, where he and his mother still live.

He's around my age, and he was born in here Nibelheim just like me, but for some reason even though we've been neighbors this whole time he's never really said much to me. When I was little I had a big group of friends that I played with, but Cloud always seemed to be alone. I always thought that he was just really shy, or maybe that he just didn't like me, though I can't imagine what I would have done to make him dislike me.

He seems perfectly friendly now though; standing next to me and holding his umbrella over my head, which is what caused the rain to stop falling on me. I watch his face closely for a moment, my eyebrows pulling together in confusion as I try to figure out why he's suddenly decided to approach me after so many years of staying away from me. There is a kind look in his clear, blue eyes as he stares back at me though, and a very slight smile lingering on his lips.

"Thank you," I say, glancing up towards his umbrella over my head to indicate what I mean.

He shrugs nonchalantly, his eyes darting away from me momentarily. "You looked like you might want to get out of the rain," he explains simply.

I'm surprised by his casualness, since we've never so much as even spoken to each other before, at least not that I can remember, but I'm even more intrigued by the sound of his voice. It's strange, but as long as I've lived next door to him, I don't think I've ever heard it before. He speaks softly, with a low, slightly gravelly tone, and I find that listening to it is oddly soothing.

Looking away from him finally, I resume walking down the road the way I was headed before he stopped me. Cloud follows after me, matching my pace and keeping his umbrella positioned over my head to shield me from the rain. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see the rain falling on him where he no longer has the protection of the umbrella. It makes dark spots on his once dry jacket and drips through his hair, though it doesn't cause the wild blond spikes on his head to droop more than a small amount, and he doesn't seem to mind at all.

He doesn't say anything more to me during the few minutes that it takes us to walk back to the main part of town, though somehow the silence never feels awkward at all, even though I don't know him very well. He surprises me by opening the gate in the front of my yard for me, and I smile at him in thanks before making my way up the walkway and towards my house.

We come to a stop when we're standing outside my front door, and he pulls his umbrella away from me because we're now beneath the archway above my porch, which is keeping the rain off of both of us. For the first time since he met me in the road, I begin to feel awkward around him; not knowing whether or not he'd like me to invite him in. He doesn't wait long enough for me to ask anyway though, instead turning to go back down the steps and head toward his house without another word.

"Thanks for walking me home," I call after him when he's taken a few steps away from me.

He turns back around at the sound my words, flashing me a faint smile rather than replying verbally, and then continues on the path towards his house. He never seems to smile widely; it's always just a hint of one pulling up the corners of his mouth, though I get the feeling that that's just part of who he is. Most of his emotion appears to be hidden in his eyes, and as I watch him walking through the rain away from me, I find myself wondering if I'll ever be able to understand what he's really feeling just by looking into them.

Trying to shake the unusual thought off, I turn to push the front door open, noticing how the warmth from inside the house contrasts with the chilly temperature outside, that was caused by the cloud-cover today. I step inside, pulling off my jacket and hanging it on the hook that protrudes from the wall before closing the door behind me. After kicking off my boots I make my way into the kitchen, setting the bag of groceries on the counter.

"I'm home!" I yell, my voice echoing through the house.

It's relatively early in the evening, but I know that the fact the lights were already turned on in the house when I got here means that my father must be home from work by now. He runs the local bar in town, so he's normally out late cleaning the place up after the last of the customers leave. He must have closed early today though, probably because the rain kept away the usually patrons, and would have more than likely deterred any of the travelers that sometimes pass through our town.

My father walks into the room after a moment, and his entrance is announced by the clunking of his boots against the wooden floorboards. I look up at him and give him a quick smile before going back to my task of sorting through the items in the bag, putting most of them away but leaving a few things out that I'll use to cook for dinner tonight. He sits down at the table in the adjoining dinning room with a heavy sigh, watching me work.

"How was your day?" I ask him as I pull a pan out of the cupboard and set it on the stove.

I've always been really close with my father, especially since my mother passed away when I was little. She died suddenly from illness, and because both my father and I were hurting over her loss, I guess we just naturally bonded. I've been begging him for years to let me work at the bar with him, but he argues that I'm much too young to be anywhere near a bar, and won't budge on his decision.

He leans back in the chair, propping his feet up on the one next to it. "It was alright," he says, his raspy voice sounding tired. "Not much business though," he adds.

I nod my head in acknowledgement, continuing to go about preparing dinner for the two of us.

"What caused you to want to go out in that?" he asks, jerking his chin toward the window to indicate the rain that is still pouring outside.

"I had to go to the store," I say, motioning with my hand back over to the now empty bag on the counter; I thought it would have been obvious.

My father yawns hugely, scratching at the thick beard on his cheeks. "I thought I heard you talking to someone outside," he says, sounding confused.

I'm surprised that he heard me from inside the house, but I know that he must mean when I was talking to Cloud.

"I was just thanking Cloud; he walked me home," I explain.

His dark, bushy eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Who?" he asks.

"Cloud," I repeat myself. "The boy that lives in the house next door."

He seems to be processing this information for a minute, before a look of understanding dawns on his face. "Oh, the quiet one. The one with the hair that looks like a chocobo?" he asks for confirmation.

I giggle, noticing the similarity for the first time. "Yes, that one," I tell him.

"That was nice of him to walk you home," my father allows, watching me as I bring a plate of food over and set it on the table in front of him.

I sit down in the chair across from him, taking the first bite of my meal and swallowing before speaking. "Yes, it was nice of him," I agree.

xXxXx

The rest of our dinner goes by mostly in silence, and when we're done eating my father helps me with the dishes before going into the living room to relax on the sofa. I don't feel all that tired yet, but when I find myself getting bored of my book I tell him goodnight and head upstairs. I take my time brushing my teeth, putting on my pajamas and getting otherwise ready for bed after finishing with my shower, but it's still not very late by the time I make it into my room.

I climb under the covers of my bed and lay my head down on the pillow, but my brain doesn't seem to want to shut off just yet. It takes me over a half an hour to begin feeling at all sleepy, but after my father goes to bed I'm able to listen to his rumbling snores, and their steady rhythm relaxes me. When I finally do drift off to sleep though, my mind is still active, because I find myself dreaming of strange, quiet boys with beautiful blue eyes.

**To be continued…**

**(A/N) **I've always wanted to write a story about Cloud and Tifa as teenagers, so when I got this idea I couldn't wait to write it. :D This is my second experimentation with the tragedy genre, though like my other one, this too will have plenty of romance and such before the sad parts. ;P Oh yes, and updates for this, like my other chaptered stories, will be coming about once a week. :3

Leave a review if you liked it or have any suggestions for me. I love them all, whether it has a bunch of nice critique and you point out everything that you like, or you just say "good job". Either way, it's nice to get feedback, so please do. :3 (I much prefer the detailed reviews though. ;P)

-punkiemonkie


	2. Chapter II

**Holding On  
**Chapter II

When my eyes blink open the next morning, I'm delighted to see the bright sunshine pouring in from my window. Better weather means that I can go outside today; an alternative that sounds much better than being cooped up in the house like I have been for the past few days, because of the rain. The sudden excitement courses through my veins, giving me a surge of energy and instantly waking me up. I hop out of bed and dress hastily, taking the stairs two at a time and rushing down into the kitchen.

I eat a quick breakfast before pulling on my shoes, not bothering with a jacket despite the fact that it's probably still pretty chilly outside, and in no time at all I'm going out the front door and stepping into the bright light. The rain is nice, but it makes me miss the sun, so I'm glad that it's gone for now. I decide that I should take the opportunity to do some hiking today, like I do often in either the countryside surrounding our town or around the mountains that sit closely behind the outskirts to the north.

Knowing that there will probably be more sun out in the fields, I head out of town in that direction, enjoying being able to stretch my legs without having to constantly splash through puddles. I end up following a little dirt path that begins just outside of town, off to the side of the main road. It leads away from the town and to the east, winding through the hilly fields that are covered in thick, green grass and dotted by the occasional tree or small lake.

It's quiet out here, just the sound of my boots padding along the path with each step that I take, and the birds singing all around me; it's a peaceful place. I'm startled when I hear another set of footsteps approaching though, and when I turn around to investigate I'm even more shocked when I see that they belong to Cloud. He smiles slightly when I catch his eyes, and jogs up the rest of the path between us to stand in front of me.

"Hi," I greet him, finding myself returning his smile unconsciously.

"Mind if I join you?" he asks politely, his eyes bright with expectance.

I give him a nod in agreement, and both of us resume walking down the little path, the light breeze blowing our hair around our faces. Like yesterday, he doesn't choose to start a conversation while we're walking together, but I think he probably just isn't a talkative kind of person. Maybe I should be a little worried that he keeps showing up wherever I am, because it is kind of odd, but for some reason I just feel happy to see him today, and I'm grateful for his company.

A few minutes go by before I decide to speak up; not because I feel the need to fill the silence with idle talk, but because there's been something on my mind since he approached me yesterday, and I want to get an answer from him.

"Why did you suddenly decide to talk to me?" I ask him, hoping that my direct question doesn't sound harsh despite my soft tone.

Cloud looks over at me curiously, one of his blond eyebrows rising up. "What do you mean?"

"I thought you didn't like me," I state simply.

"Why would you think that?" he asks, looking almost hurt by my accusation.

I pause for a moment, trying to pull my thoughts together before I answer. "You've always lived next door, but when we were little you never even said a word to me." I begin, trying my best to explain. "Why do you suddenly want to spend time with me now?"

He glances away from me then, shoving his hands in his pockets and averting his eyes to the ground as we continue walking. He chews on his lower lip for a long moment, seeming to be trying to figure out how to answer me, and I wait patiently for his response.

"When we were little, you always played with that big group of kids in town," he starts slowly. "I _did _want to play with you, but the older boys in the group wouldn't let me, so I left you alone."

Cloud doesn't look back up at me after he finishes, and when I see the dejected look in his eyes I feel bad for bringing it up. I had no idea that was going on; I always just assumed that he didn't _want _to join us, not that he wasn't allowed. Cloud's father disappeared when he was fairly young, though I don't know the reason behind it, but the fact that he has a single mother has made the other townspeople treat him differently, and I suppose it could explain why the other kids outcasted him too.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," I say quietly.

He looks back at me then, and a small grin replaces the solemn look on his face. "It's alright," he assures me.

Relieved that he's not taking it too hard, I smile back at him. We fall into silence again as we keep walking, but before long I remember that he never answered the other half of my question.

"So what changed?" I ask him, but when a perplexed expression appears on his face I try to explain better. "I mean why are you suddenly talking to me now?" I clarify.

His reaction surprises me, because he almost seems amused; there's even a smirk pulling up one corner of his mouth.

"They're not in town anymore," he elaborates, looking almost triumphant about it.

It takes me a moment to understand that he must mean the older boys that kept him from playing with the rest of us, and I realize that they _are_ all absent from town now, because they left to join ShinRa's army the last time they came to recruit. Now that I've started thinking about it, I'm pretty sure that Cloud isn't all that much younger than the rest of them, even if he is quite a bit shorter than most of the other boys, so I wonder if he'll be leaving soon too.

"How old are you?" I ask him suddenly.

He seems a bit confused by my question, but he answers me anyway. "Seventeen," he replies.

I nod my head, deciding not to ask him if he'll be joining ShinRa too, for fear that it might be a sore spot for him if he's not going to get to. Not many of the boys that grow up in this little town stay here for long; whether they go off to join the army or just move away to the city. Cloud's mother doesn't have anyone else here for her though, so I'd be willing to bet that he'd stay here to make her happy, even if he really wants to go somewhere else.

"Would you mind following me somewhere?" Cloud asks unexpectedly, causing me to look over at him. "There's this place on the side of one of the mountains; I think you'd like it," he explains.

It sounds like a good idea to me, so I nod my head in agreement. Another smile appears on his lips in response, though it's subtle like it always is, and I when he veers off the path to take a shortcut through the tall grass I follow after him. He watches me closely out of the corner of his eye for awhile, seeming to be trying to determine if I'm okay with going somewhere that doesn't involve an easy path, but when I don't complain he doesn't ask me about it.

We travel for what seems like a long time; trumping through the grass, stepping over a few small streams, and ultimately circling around the town and closer to the mountains. I'm used to hiking quite a lot, so my legs don't ever get very tired, but I am relieved when Cloud finally comes to a stand still. I had been watching my feet for the majority of the time that we were walking, to make sure I didn't loose my footing, and as I look up the sight of this place takes my breath away.

We've ended up on the slope of a mountain that overlooks the town; a straight drop in front of us and to my left, and a sheer cliff face to my right. The ground at the top here is level, and it's covered in bright green grass and hundreds of differently colored wild flowers that are getting ready to bloom. I noticed a few trees around our path on the way up here, but the one at the top of the slope is enormous, and it shades a lot of the grassy area.

"This is amazing," I say, my voice a whisper that is almost lost in the sound of the breeze rustling the leaves on the tree above us.

Cloud nods in agreement. "I've been coming here for years," he says.

I continue staring out at the view in awe for several minutes, taking in how tiny the houses in the town look from way up here and how beautiful the landscape is, before my attention is drawn back to Cloud. His movement catches my eye, and as I watch him he plops down on the ground in the middle of a patch of grass; lying back with his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. It looks inviting, so I decide to copy him; settling down next to him and stretching myself out.

We're only partially shaded by the tree where we're laying, so the sun warms my skin as I lie here, and before long my eyes begin to drift closed. It's satisfying just to be here and have his company, and I don't even mind the silence between us. It strikes me as odd that someone like Cloud who grew up without any friends and with a missing father is so content, but I'm quickly finding out that he is a very easy person to be with, and someone that I could see becoming a good friend.

**To be continued…**

**(A/N) **You guys know this stands for "author's note", right? Just checking. XD

Thank you so much for the reviews everybody! :D I was afraid that this wouldn't get a very good response, because it's a little different, but I'm glad you guys liked it. Your responses make me happy. :3 Leave some more reviews for me, won't you? It makes me that much more excited to update for you. ;)

-punkiemonkie


	3. Chapter III

**Holding On  
**Chapter III

Cloud and I spend almost every day of the next few months together, usually going up to the spot on the hill to lie in the grass all day, and his presence soon becomes a natural part of my life. He's still not very talkative, though he has opened up to me a lot more, and I think I've begun to be able to understand what he's thinking just by watching his expressions and the look in his eyes; like I hoped I would be able to that day that he walked me home in the rain.

I always had a lot of friends growing up, but most of them have moved away from town now, so before I started hanging out with Cloud I usually spent my time alone. I didn't mind much, but I do prefer Cloud's company. I've never known anyone quite like him; someone that seems to genuinely understand me, and wants to be with me so often even if we're just doing nothing. We've gotten a lot closer since we've been spending time together, and although I'm not sure if he feels the same way, I've started considering him to be my best friend, and maybe even more.

My father was wary of me spending so much time with a boy at first, but I bring Cloud back to my house fairly often in the evenings when it's too dark for us to be outside, and my father seems to be gradually getting used to him being there. He and Cloud talk sometimes, though my father usually asks him so many questions that it almost comes off as an interrogation, but to my surprise Cloud doesn't seem to be the least bit uncomfortable about answering them.

I've been to Cloud's house quite a few times too, and have therefore gotten to know his mother much better. I've never actually talked to her despite how long we've lived next door to each other, though I'm pretty sure that she used to know my mother quite well. She's a cheerful woman, with fair hair and a slight figure, whom I liked instantly the first time I met her. She smiles brightly at me every time Cloud brings me over, seeming to be happy that her son has someone to spend time with.

It's early May now, the time of year with the nicest weather in Nibelheim, and today just so happens to be the day of my sixteenth birthday. I've told Cloud when my birthday was before, but we've been together for the whole day and he hasn't said a word about it, so I guess he must have forgotten. I don't really mind though, because I'm happy just to be here with him; lying in the grass under the shade of the tree on the hill; _our_ hill now.

"Oh," Cloud says suddenly, sitting up next to me.

His voice startles me from my daydreaming, and I sit up too, studying him closely. "What's wrong?" I ask him, concerned by his outburst.

Cloud reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a small box rather than explaining with words. "Happy birthday," he says simply, extending his arm and offering it to me.

I smile widely at him, taking the box from his hand. "I thought you forgot," I say, looking down at the little bow on top of the package.

He shakes his head in reassurance, watching me as I don't hesitate to untie the little ribbon and slide the lid off of the box. Inside is the most beautiful silver locket that I have ever seen; one made in the shape of a tiny heart that is suspended from an elegant chain, and has intricate designs engraved on the front of it. I stare at it for a long moment, stricken speechless, because I never imagined that he'd get me such a thoughtful gift.

Cloud clears his throat nervously when I don't say anything. "Do you like it?" he asks warily.

I realize that he must think my silence means that I don't like his gift, so I quickly reassure him. "I love it, Cloud. Thank you," I say honestly.

He grins at me in response; one of his small, characteristic smiles that I've learned means he's really happy, because it lights up his eyes.

Reaching into the box hesitantly, I pick the locket up and cradle it gently between my fingers, admiring it. I notice a latch on one side of it, so I touch it tentatively, causing it to pop open. There is another engraving on the inside, though this time it's not a design, but letters that are written in cursive: 'Happy birthday, Tifa' written on one side, and 'Love, Cloud' on the opposite side.

This robs me of speech once again, at least until Cloud leans over and takes the locket from my hands. I look up at him, realizing what he wants by the look on his face, and I pull my hair back so he can help me put it on. He looks almost embarrassed, as there's a slight blush creeping up on his cheeks, but he reaches behind me anyway; his fingers brushing across the skin on my neck as he tries to fasten it.

It takes him a moment to get the clasp to cooperate, but when it finally does he leans away from me, and the locket settles into place against my chest. Another smile graces his face, and I return it easily, but I resist the urge to throw my arms around him in thanks. He's a shy person, I've known that much since I met him, and he's never actually reached out to touch me before, so I'm not sure if he'd be comfortable with me hugging him.

A moment of almost awkward silence passes between us after that, but both of us eventually end up settling back into our places in the grass, staring up between the branches of the tree at the vast, blue sky. I leave my arms spread out at my sides, my palms facing upwards toward the sun, enjoying its warmth. My eyes are closed, so I nearly jump when I feel Cloud's hand cover mine, curling around my fingers gently.

I'm surprised by the gesture, to say the least, but the contact is comforting. When I look over at him he grins at me sheepishly, and I can't help but smile back at him, even though I can feel my cheeks beginning to heat up with embarrassment. I've never been with anyone like this, but I realize that with Cloud, this somehow feels natural, despite the fact that it's new for me.

I relax into it after a moment, averting my gaze back up at the sky and giving his fingers a gentle squeeze to let him know that I don't mind him holding my hand. Between the warmth of his hand and the heat that the sun is casting on me, my eyes soon begin closing in contentment. I think Cloud begins getting sleepy as well, because his breathing slows down and becomes very even; a sound that eventually lulls me to sleep.

**To be continued…**

**(A/N) **I apologize for this chapter being so short, but I promise the next chapter will make up for it. ;) Oh, and I've got a new word to describe my stories: not "fluff", because I tend to see that as being cheesy and out of character romance, so how about "sugar"? Sweet, clean, and (in my opinion) in character; my stories have "sugar". Maybe? O.o

Anyway…thanks for all the reviews everybody! I'm glad that you guys like this, and I promise to keep sending updates your way. :D

-punkiemonkie


	4. Chapter IV

**Holding On  
**Chapter IV

I'm roused from my sleep by the sound of a familiar voice saying my name, as well as a hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently. I recognize that the voice belongs to Cloud, though I'm confused as to why he would be waking me up. As I come further into awareness though, I remember that he didn't walk me home after he gave me my birthday present, so that must mean that we fell asleep on the hill together.

When I open my eyes I notice that it's much darker outside now than when I can last remember being awake, and I can barely see the last of the sun disappearing behind the silhouette of the mountains in the distance. I sit up, rubbing my eyes groggily and smoothing out my hair as I try to reorient myself. Cloud seems to be more awake than I am, and he stands up next to me, dusting the grass off of his pants.

"We should go home," he says, looking down at me.

I'm surprised by the urgency in his tone, because it's really not all that late, and I'm sure there will still be enough light for us to see when we make our way back into town. We've gone home much later than this before, quite a few times in fact, though my father wasn't exactly pleased about it. I decide not to question why he's in such a rush though, and take his hand when he offers it down to me to help me up.

As soon as I'm standing beside him though, Cloud starts heading back down the slope of the hill, and I have to jog a little to catch up to him. He doesn't say anything during the whole walk back, though I can't help but feel that he thinks we're on some kind of deadline to get home, for some inexplicable reason. He holds my hand for most of the trip though, interlacing his fingers with mine, and I find that I enjoy it immensely.

He keeps a brisk pace for most of the way back, although as the first of the houses come into view he finally seems to slow down a bit. I start to ask him what this is all about, but he suddenly comes to a stop; effectively puzzling me once again. I turn around to glance back at him, intending to voice my confusion, but the intense look in his eyes makes me forget what I had meant to say.

I stare at him, trying to understand why he's looking at me like he is. "Cloud?" I ask him, studying his strange expression.

He doesn't answer me, but instead he leans in towards me, placing his lips gently on mine before I even know what's going on. I stay still for a moment, stunned into a statue, but I eventually relax into the feeling and my eyes slide closed. I've never been kissed before, and I'm pretty sure that he hasn't done this before either, which only makes this moment all that more special, because we can share it together.

His mouth lingers on mine for what seems like a long time, but could very well have only been a few seconds, as my mind seems to be moving in slow motion. I kiss him back as best as I know how, pushing my lips against his, but I'm still not quite sure what to do with my hands. One of his is holding my cheek, and I somehow feel the need to touch him too, so I reach up and rest my palm against his chest, over his fluttering heart.

I leave my eyes closed for a moment after he pulls back away from me, but when I open them again I notice that he has an uncertain expression on his face, seeming to be fearful that I might not have wanted him to kiss me. I'm unable to stop myself from smiling at him, and it causes him to grin too, looking relieved that I'm not upset with him. He glances away from me after awhile though, staring down at his feet and looking apprehensive again.

"Tifa, I…" he starts, trailing off before meeting my eyes again. "I want to be with you; to be more than just your friend," he says quietly.

It takes me a moment to process that I'm actually hearing him correctly, but when I do I am unable to fight a huge smile from spreading across my face. As I've gotten closer to Cloud over the past few months, I've been vaguely aware that my feelings for him, and not just those of friendship, have been steadily growing. I hadn't even known that he considered us to be friends, and hearing him say that he wants more makes my stomach tingle with delight.

"I'd like that," I tell him.

Cloud beams back at me, though he doesn't say anything else; not that he has to say anything to communicate how happy he is, because I can see it plainly in his eyes. He takes my hand again as we continue walking towards the town, and I'm surprised when I notice that his state of dazed bliss seems to have worn off, and that odd sense of urgency that he had earlier appears to have returned.

He pulls me alongside him quickly, and we take the main road past the houses on the outskirts of town and toward our homes; the several street lamps that are positioned around the town lighting our way. We reach my house within a few minutes, but to my confusion Cloud keeps walking on past it, rather that bringing me up to the door to tell me goodnight like he normally does. Instead, he starts heading over towards his house, which is when I finally speak up.

"Where are we going?" I ask, thoroughly confused.

He only grins at me as an answer, pulling his front door open and guiding me inside the house. I understand what he's up to when we end up in the kitchen, and I see a cake sitting on the big, wooden table in the middle of the room. It looks absolutely delicious, and it's covered in fluffy, white frosting with pink icing on the top that says 'Happy birthday, Tifa'. I stare at it in shock for a moment, before I finally look back at Cloud.

"Did you make this?" I ask him, trying to imagine what he would look like cooking.

He chuckles once, and although it doesn't last for long, I savor the rare sound. I've only heard him laugh a few times, so it's become something special for me to get to hear it.

"No, my mom made it," he admits, and then adds on what seems to be an afterthought. "This is why I was in such a hurry to get here; I wanted to show you before it got too late and you had to go home" he explains.

I smile at him, glad that I finally have an explanation for his unusual behavior today, but even more glad that he thought to do something like this for me. I start to ask him where his mom is, so I can thank her for making me the cake, but just then she comes around the corner and into the kitchen.

"Happy birthday, dear," she says, putting an arm around my shoulder and kissing the top of my head.

"Thank you so much," I say earnestly, directing it towards both of them.

She throws me a quick smile before going over to the cake and beginning to cut it into small pieces. "It was Cloud's idea," she clarifies. "I just made it."

I turn towards Cloud again, smiling at him in thanks, but he glances away from me, looking bashful. When his mother is finished cutting the cake, each of us have a piece, and I find out that it tastes even better than it looked like it would. After awhile I run back to my house quickly to let my father know that I'll be out late, and then I stay over at Cloud's house for the rest of the evening, enjoying being with him and his mother.

Eventually it gets late enough that Cloud's mother suggests that we call it a night, though I'm sorry to see my little party of sorts end, because this was the best birthday I've had in a long time; since my own mother used to bake me a cake every year. She sends me home with a piece of cake for my father when I decline to take the whole thing, and Cloud walks me home like usual, following me all the way up to my front door.

I turn to face him when we're standing underneath the awning above my front door, feeling almost overwhelmed by happiness from the day I've had.

"Thank you," I tell him softly.

He smiles at me, leaning in to place a tender, but slightly hesitant kiss on my forehead. "Goodnight," he whispers.

My eyes follow him for a moment as he starts walking back towards his house, and then I turn to open my front door and slip inside. I set my father's piece of cake on the counter where I know he'll see it in the morning, and then I head upstairs. It's late, so I skip the shower and head straight to bed; making sure to take off my locket and set it on top of my dresser so I won't loose it in my sheets. Thoughts of this incredible day exhaust me, and it doesn't take long until I'm fast asleep. Before my eyes close though, I have time to wonder how life could possibly get better than it is right now.

**To be continued…**

**(A/N) **Poor Tifa, she has no idea that this is a tragedy story. ;) And, alas, there are no exploding birthday cakes in this one… XD (see my other oneshot, _Sixteen Candles_. ;P) I feel like this story moves a bit fast, but I didn't know how to add more events in between the key points. O.o Ah well.

Thanks so much for the reviews everyone! Keep them coming, okay? :D

-punkiemonkie


	5. Chapter V

**(A/N) **Holy crap! Not only was the update on _To Have Loved and Lost _late, but this one was too! Sorry guys; I'm being a horrible slacker lately. D:

**Holding On  
**Chapter V

The next few months that I spend together with Cloud are pure bliss; I don't think I've ever been so happy in my life. I wear the locket he gave me every day, and that simple gesture seems to infallibly put a smile on his face when he sees me in the morning. We spend most of our days hiking together, usually ending up on our hill, and I gradually get used to his touch and the way he leans over to kiss me softly when we're alone.

We were hesitant to tell our parents about the change in our relationship for the first couple of weeks after it happened, but when we finally did it went over better than I expected. My father took it surprisingly well, nodding and saying he didn't mind, though perhaps only because he had gotten used to me spending all of my time with Cloud, and he already trusted him. Cloud's mother, on the other hand, was completely thrilled, and hugged us both while she offered her congratulations.

Everything has been as close to perfect as it could possibly be, at least up until the last few days, because Cloud has been acting distant lately. We still go to the hill together, and he still kisses me like he usually does, but something seems off with him. His hand feels tense around mine when we walk together, and he avoids eye contact with me a lot; seeming to be trying to hide something that is on his mind, because he knows that I can normally tell what he's thinking by looking at his eyes.

I figured that I'd give him a few days to tell me what was wrong, but he hasn't yet, so I've decided to ask him about it today. It's late in the afternoon now, almost sunset, and once again we're lying in the grass on our hill. It's starting to get colder in Nibelheim, and the light wind of the approaching autumn season is making the branches of the tree sway over our heads, causing the different colored leaves to rain down around us. Cloud is lying close beside me, holding my hand, so I roll over onto my side to look at him.

"What's wrong?" I ask, watching his eyes closely to try and find a clue.

Cloud sits up, pulling me with him, and he stares down at my hand that he's holding in one of his, brushing over my knuckles with the pad of his thumb. He hesitates for quite awhile before speaking, but he finally exhales deeply; seeming to be giving up on trying to avoid answering my question.

"I'll be turning eighteen in a week," he says quietly.

My eyebrows pull together in confusion, not understanding him. "Why are you so upset about that?"

He finally turns to me then, staring at me seriously with a solemn look in his eyes. "I'm leaving, Tifa," he nearly whispers. "ShinRa is coming to recruit on the day of my birthday, and I'm going to go with them."

This news catches me so off guard that it's like a harsh slap in the face; the sting it leaves behind, at least, is much the same. I vaguely remember wondering about whether or not Cloud would be staying in town when I first began talking to him, but I came to the conclusion that he'd probably be staying here for his mother, so I put it out of my mind. I hadn't even known when his birthday was, and the fact that he's leaving so soon makes this even worse. I'm sure he knew a long time ago that he was going to join ShinRa, but he probably neglected to tell me for fear of my reaction.

I'm having a hard time processing this information and what it means for me, or for _us_, so all I can think to as him is, "Why?"

Cloud glances away again, seeming almost ashamed, because he knows I'm upset. "I have to _do _something with my life, Tifa," he says earnestly, looking out at the setting sun on the horizon.

I know he must have more to say, so I wait silently for him to finish, and squeeze his hand gently to let him know that I'm here for him. He still refuses to look over at me, but I notice when his other hand, the one that isn't in mine, clenches into a fist.

"My father abandoned our family when I was little," he says, speaking almost inaudibly.

His voice is husky with emotions that I've never seen him express before; anger, and bitter resentment. That actually surprises me more than the clarification of what really happened to his father, because it's so unlike him. When he continues though, the anger seems to have faded, and in its place is determination.

"I have to be better than him, and I have to make something of myself so that I can take care of my mom," he says eagerly. "And you," he adds, his voice softening.

He finally meets my eyes then, and gives me a weak smile. I hang my head, knowing that I can't, and shouldn't, argue with him about this. It's going to hurt to have him go, I know it will, and it will be hard for his mother too. He's doing this because he wants to become a better man though, and to take care of me, so how can I ask him to stay? It would be selfish of me to try and keep him here, I know that, so I quickly decide that I'll just have to find some way to deal with it.

I swallow, trying my best to hold back the tears that are threatening to break free from my eyes, and give him a small nod in agreement.

Cloud touches my cheek, making me look up at him. "I'm sorry," he says softly.

"It's okay, I understand," I say, though my words come out in an almost unintelligible mummer, because my throat is thick with unshed tears.

I've never cried in front of him before, probably because I've never had the need to, since he usually makes me so happy. I don't want to risk him seeing me cry now though, because I know it will make him feel bad about his decision, so I lean forward and crawl into his lap where he can't look at me. I hold onto him tightly; resting my cheek against his shoulder and hiding my face in the crook of his neck.

His arms slip around my waist, rubbing my back in a soothing way. "It will be okay, Tifa. It's only for a few years, until I have everything I need to take care of you," he assures me. "We'll be together again soon, I promise."

xXxXx

We stay there on the hill for a little while after that, and he holds me close to him the whole time, but after the sun sets we decide that we better head back into town. Cloud takes my hand on the way home, but although he tries several times to distract me from his dismal news by uncharacteristically chatting about unimportant things, nothing is able to lift my mood much.

At first I thought that I wanted to be alone so I could get all of the crying out of my system while he wasn't around, but when we reach the front door to my house, I realize that I don't want him to leave.

"Cloud…" I trail off, but my eyes don't leave his.

He waits wordlessly for me to continue, seeming to understand the look of need on my face.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" I ask tentatively.

A frown appears on his forehead at first, and he appears to be thinking it through as he glances over his shoulder and towards his house; probably calculating the odds that both of our parents will be asleep and he won't get caught sneaking into my room with me. I shift slightly on my feet, worried now that he will think I'm being ridiculous, or he'll tell me that he can't. When he looks back at me though, he gives me a nod, which somehow gives me an instant feeling of relief.

"Give me a few minutes," he whispers; his voice so quiet that I almost can't hear him.

I dip my head in agreement, and turn to open my front door after he disappears into the darkness, walking in the direction of his house. It's completely silent inside my house, and fortunately as I creep up the stairs, I hear the reassuring sound of my father snoring loudly within his room. I go into my room first to grab my pajamas, and then I head into the bathroom to take a quick shower and brush my teeth.

When I return to my room I'm startled to see Cloud sitting casually on my bed, though I decide not to ask him whether he somehow was able to climb up the side of the house and in through my window, or if he was brave enough to just come through the front door. He smiles at me, though it doesn't quite light up his eyes like it does when he's really happy, but I find myself smiling back anyway as I walk over and sit on the bed next to him.

There is a lot of awkward fumbling and shifting around at first, but we both eventually end up under the covers together where I curl up against his side, resting my head on his chest and enjoying the warmth of his body and his comforting smell. I notice that it's mixed with the scent of soap now though, so he must have taken a shower like I did before he came over, though I couldn't see what he was wearing because of the lack of light in my room.

As I'm lying there with him, all of my walls slowly begin to break down, and those tears that I've been holding back for the past couple of hours, since he told me he'd be leaving, start to slip free of my hold on them. They streak silently down my cheeks, and end up soaking into his shirt. I pray that he won't notice, but I'm sure that he does, because he runs his fingers through my damp hair and down my back, obviously trying to calm me.

I do my best not to think about what the future holds, and instead try to focus on him; the comforting sound of his heart beating beneath my ear, his even breathing, and how wonderful it feels to have his arms around me. It takes me awhile to stop my mind from thinking of unpleasant things, but before long all of the good, soothing things that come from him being here with me overpower my thoughts, and ease me enough to start making me drift off to sleep.

**To be continued...**

**(A/N) **I have played the original _Final Fantasy VII_ game a long time ago, but I can't for the life of me remember what was supposed to have happened to Cloud's father, so I apologize if my take on it was incorrect. O.o This is an alternate universe story though, so I suppose that gives me the right to change it if I am wrong. ;P Anybody know what really happened to him though? I need to play it again…

Anyway, as you can probably tell, this is where the tragedy part of the story comes in. It's far from over though. :3 Oh, and _please _don't make this part into something sexual, because it's far from that. I don't do that in my stories, and they're teenagers, damn. XD

Anyway, thank you all so much for the reviews! :D Don't be shy about sending more my way. ;)

-punkiemonkie


	6. Chapter VI

**Holding On  
**Chapter VI

I wake up slowly, keeping my eyelids shut because I know that as soon as I open them, I'll be greeted by the bright sunlight that always comes through my window in the mornings. I roll over, but I'm puzzled when instead of the softness of my pillows, I find a solid object lying next to me. My eyes slide open a small amount, and I'm even more confused by the sight of dark blue fabric resting against my nose; definitely not something that I usually have in my bed.

When said strange, solid object moves beneath me though, and I recognize that I can hear breathing other than my own, I'm jolted into alertness. I sit up, propping my self up on my elbows so that I can investigate what's lying in my bed. I nearly laugh out loud at my own ignorance when I realize that Cloud is the thing that was lying beside me, because I can't believe that I forgot he went to sleep here with me last night.

I peer down at him, smiling at how peaceful he looks while he sleeps, and I have to bite my lip to keep from giggling when I see his nose twitch adorably. He shifts a little in his sleep, moving me as well because I'm lying halfway on top of him, and I notice that one of his arms is still wrapped around me; resting on the small of my back. I settle myself back down so my cheek is resting against his chest, being careful not to wake him, and I enjoy his warmth as I try to pretend that the future is very far away.

This peaceful moment doesn't last for long though, because several minutes later, to my utter horror, I hear the door to my room swing open. I know without looking that it must be my father standing in the doorway, and I also know that even though he's surely frozen with shock for the moment, he's going to be furious very soon. It won't matter that Cloud and I are both dressed, or that nothing happened between us last night; all he will see is that there is a boy in my bed.

Last night, when I asked Cloud to stay with me, I never even thought about the possibility of something like this happening. I figured that Cloud would probably leave before I woke up so he could get back to his house unnoticed, because he usually wakes up long before I do. Even if he didn't leave, my father never comes into my room in the mornings, so I didn't think there would be a problem. Apparently he decided to check on me this morning though, and now I'm going to pay for it.

I hold perfectly still, bracing myself for what I know is inevitable, and suddenly feeling bad that I won't be able to warn Cloud before my father tries to kill him.

"Tifa Lockhart!" my father yells, sounding even more furious than I thought he'd be.

I flinch, cowering into Cloud's chest, and he jerks beneath me at the sudden, thunderous sound. Both of us are instantly scared wide awake, and I can tell by the rigid feel of Cloud's body that he must be staring into my father's murderous eyes. I pull away from him slowly, and as I sit up Cloud moves into a sitting position beside me. I can feel that my father is glaring at me, but I try to focus on anything else in the room, because I'm afraid to look at him right now.

A few seconds of tense silence pass before my father speaks up again. "Out of bed and downstairs; both of you," he orders, thankfully in a much quieter voice this time, though it's still full of rage.

I hear him take a few steps out of my room and down the hall, so I take the opportunity to peer over at Cloud. His eyes are huge where I can see them under his messy hair, and he looks even more terrified than I'm feeling right now. I start to tell him that it's going to be okay, but my father's voice interrupts me, and the sound is still incredibly loud despite the fact that it's now coming from somewhere on the first floor of our house.

"Now!" he shouts.

This sends both Cloud and I scrambling out of my bed, and I don't even have time to think about getting properly dressed before dashing out of my room and descending the stairs as quickly as I can, with Cloud right at my heels. When we get downstairs my father is standing by the front door, pulling it open and motioning for us to go outside. I make the mistake of meeting his eyes for a second, and the fury burning in them makes me shuffle towards the door without a second thought, and without even considering trying to get my shoes on first.

I suppose that it's not really all that cold outside, because it's only August, but the shock of stepping out into the morning air with only my pajamas on makes goose bumps instantly appear across my skin. I wrap my arms around myself in response, following my father's path blindly before I realize with a jolt of terror that he's heading for Cloud's house. He must want to clue his mother in on what's going on, or what he surely _thinks _was going on, and that can't mean anything good for either of us.

When we make it to the front door my father pounds his fist against it a few times, and we're left waiting anxiously for the moment when Cloud's mother will answer, and she'll know everything as well. Cloud shoots me a wary glance when my father isn't looking, and shifts on his feet. At first I think that he's probably nervous, but then I realize that he must be cold like I am in addition to that, because he's only wearing boxer shorts and a shirt; the source of that dark blue fabric I had been confused by seeing earlier this morning.

It takes an agonizingly long time for his mother to get to the door, probably because she was still in bed this early in the morning, but by the time that she does I find myself wishing that I had more time before I'm forced to face her. The door swings open slowly, and I can hear her gasp as she takes in the sight of us standing on her porch; my father surely still looking furious and Cloud and I half-dressed and shivering in the cold.

"Do you know where your son was last night?" my father asks her, not even bothering to address Cloud by name.

Her focus is pinned to Cloud then, but unlike me with my father, he is able to meet her eyes and stare back at her. After all, we didn't do anything that we should be ashamed of, and Cloud's mother is much less frightening than my father is. A moment of silence passes as his mother studies him, and I find myself wondering if she can read his thoughts by looking at his eyes, like I'm able to do now.

Eventually she steps aside and opens the door wider, beckoning with her hand for us to come inside. The three of us follow after her into the house, and I realize that she probably wanted us inside not just because Cloud and I were freezing, but also so the neighbors won't all get to witness the discussion that's undoubtedly about to ensue. After my father shuts the door behind us she turns around, frowning at Cloud.

"What on Gaia were you thinking?" she demands of him, putting her hands on her hips. "I've raised you better than to behave like this," she adds, motioning vaguely towards me.

Cloud suppresses a sigh, looking like he feels bad even though he hasn't done anything wrong. "We didn't do anything, mom," he tells her honestly. "Tifa was upset last night, and I just…"

He trails off, and I realize that he's going to try and take responsibility for ending up in my bed with me, so I speak up quickly.

"I asked Cloud to stay with me," I explain hastily.

The whole room falls silent then, and when I hear my father make a disbelieving grunt, I understand that everyone here must have assumed that it was Cloud's idea. I turn towards my father, relieved when I see that the anger in his eyes has faded considerably.

"Nothing happened," I promise him. "I just wanted to be with Cloud before he left," I clarify.

My father looks perplexed by this bit of information, which I expected, because he doesn't know anything about Cloud leaving to join ShinRa yet. I'm surprised though, when I recognize that Cloud's mother is wearing the same expression as him; one of confusion and incomprehension. Cloud glances away from her guiltily, and I realize then that she must not know about him leaving yet either; he must have told me first.

"Where are you going?" she asks quietly, and the worried look in her eyes tells me that she must already be piecing together the answer.

"ShinRa's coming to recruit in a week," Cloud begins in a hushed voice. "I'll be eighteen, so I'm going to go with them."

Once again, everyone in the room falls silent, though this time it's much heavier with all of the tension. Cloud doesn't ever look back at his mother, probably not wanting to see the look of horror on her face while she stares at him. He glances at me once, just for a short second, and I try to give him an apologetic look for letting his mother find out this way.

After a long moment, his mother clears her throat, calling all of our attention. "Would you mind leaving us alone for a moment?" she asks.

My father must understand that she needs to have some time to talk with Cloud, so he waves me over to the door with him, and we leave without another word. He doesn't say anything on the way back to our house, because he seems to realize that his assumptions about something sexual happening between Cloud and I were wrong. I don't mention it anymore either, but after we get back into the house he finally chooses to speak up.

"I'm sorry I accused you of…" he starts, seeming uncomfortable with finishing his sentence.

"It's fine," I mumble dismissively.

He tries to say something more to me, but the feeling of grief is quickly beginning to close in around me, so I swallow back my tears and head up to my room. Somehow, now that our parents are aware that Cloud is going to be leaving, it makes it seem so much more real that it was yesterday when he first told me about his plans, and that in turn makes me feel all that much more miserable. Once I'm inside my room I fall onto my bed, and pray that everything is going to be okay.

**To be continued…**

**(A/N) **Happy Valentine's Day everybody! :D I guess this chapter wasn't exactly spilling over with romance though, was it? O.o

Anyhow, thanks so much for all of the reviews! They never fail to put a smile on my face. :3

-punkiemonkie


	7. Chapter VII

**(A/N) **The first little bit of this chapter is a sort of recap, so that's why it's written in the past tense. I didn't know how else to do it, but hope it doesn't get too confusing. O.o

**Holding On  
**Chapter VII

Even before I open my eyes, a terrible sick feeling begins churning in my stomach, because I know that the day I've been dreading has already come. There wasn't enough time at all, and now I'm going to have to say goodbye to the most important person in the word to me, because today is Cloud's eighteenth birthday; the fateful day that the ShinRa army is going to show up in our town to recruit, and he's going to leave me.

We've spent the past week with each other, savoring every second of the time we had left to be together. Like we do so often, most of our days were spent up on our hill; lying together and wishing that each day would never come to an end. Cloud did his best to distract me, because although I accepted that joining ShinRa was something that he needed to do, he was well aware of how hard it was going to be for me after he was gone. He seemed to kiss me more often than usual, and that became the only thing that I found to be an effective means of distraction.

My father seemed to realize that it was a very sensitive subject for me, and I could tell that he did his best not to mention Cloud's departure. He even let Cloud stay over at our house much later than he usually would, which I was thankful for. From what I've heard from Cloud, his mother took the news of him leaving even harder than I did. Like me though, she apparently understood that Cloud needed to go, so she didn't put up a fuss or ask him to stay.

I lay in my bed for a long time after waking up, trying to prepare myself, as if it was even possible, for having to go say goodbye to Cloud this morning. We won't even have any time to spend together today, because the ShinRa truck that's heading back to Midgar will be here all too soon. I'm hoping that he'll somehow be able to come and visit me after he's been there for a little while, but Midgar is so far away that I know it's probably a long shot to wish for that.

Sighing heavily, I throw the covers off of me and push myself out of bed, glancing at the clock on my wall to try and gauge how much time I have left. I dress quickly, heading towards the bathroom to brush my teeth and comb through my hair. When I'm done getting ready I go downstairs, grabbing the package that has Cloud's birthday present in it, but not bothering with trying to eat something before I go to the door.

I stand in front of the door for several moments, exhaling deeply and trying to fight back the urge to start crying, though I know it's not likely that I'll be able to hold myself together for long after I see him. For some reason, I thought the town would be quiet this early in the morning like it usually is, though I suppose I should have expected the commotion that greets me when I finally step out the door, because Cloud isn't the only one leaving Nibelheim today.

The recruiters from ShinRa only come here a few times a year, probably because Nibelheim is such a small town that's basically in the middle of nowhere, so they wouldn't be able to recruit as many people as they could in a big city. The age limit for joining is eighteen, and I find myself cursing them for not coming only a day sooner, so Cloud would have been too young to leave. It's selfish, I know, but I can't stop myself from wanting to keep him here with me for even a little bit longer.

There are quite a lot of people bustling about the town square, much more than there usually are, but I don't think I really know any of the other boys that are leaving today. None of this matters to me though, because all I want is to find Cloud. I move carefully through the crowd, trying to avoid bumping into anyone, and I end up resorting to standing on my tiptoes to try and see over the other people so I can find him.

After a few minutes of searching, I finally spot him standing over to the side of the water tower in the middle of the town square. As I get closer to him, I'm able to see that his mother is standing by his side with a bag in her arms, which is probably full of all of the things that Cloud has packed to take with him. It takes me a moment to make my way over to him, but the instant that Cloud's eyes find me a smile appears on his face.

I realize then, that although his mother and I only see him leaving as a bad thing, Cloud is excited about going. He's going to miss both of us, I know, and he feels bad about making us sad by leaving, but I guess it never occurred to me that this might not be something he's doing only out of necessity. He probably wants to do it; to go off to the city with dreams of becoming a hero, like the other boys do. I do my best to smile back at him, knowing that I should be happy that he's doing this for me, and that he has this opportunity.

When I finally reach him, his mother quietly excuses herself so that we can be alone; setting down the bag she had been holding and melting into the crowd. I follow her path with my eyes, and realize that she's going to go stand by my father, who must not have been at work this morning like I thought he was. I turn back to Cloud after she's gone, and although he looks hesitant to say anything, probably from fear of upsetting me, I give him a small smile.

"Happy birthday," I say, handing him his present that I've wrapped in paper and tied a ribbon around.

He looks almost startled that I got him something, probably because this day is so much more eventful than just his birthday, but he takes it from me anyway. After untying the bow, he hooks his finger under the crease in the paper and tears it open, and stares down at what's inside. I decided to get him something practical; a notebook and a pen, so that he can write to me while he's away. I also tucked a picture of the two of us, one that his mother took a few months ago, between the pages of the book, where I know he'll find later.

He seems to understand the meaning of his gift, and he smiles genuinely at me. "Thank you," he says softly. "I promise I'll write to you every chance I get."

I smile back at him, glad for his reassurance, but my heart drops when I hear the sound of what I know must be the ShinRa truck coming into town; a mechanical rumbling that's steadily getting closer. Cloud's mother breaks through the throng of people then, and I step back to let her have a moment with him. She gives him a big hug and kisses his forehead several times before she finally lets him go, and through the noise of the crowd I can hear him promise to write to her as well.

She glances over at me, and although she looks reluctant to leave him, she seems to know that I need to say goodbye to him now too. She touches my shoulder gently as she walks past me, and I notice that the tears only start running down her cheeks after she's turned away from Cloud; she doesn't want to make him feel guilty for leaving any more than I do.

All of my tension seems to have suddenly glued my feet to the ground, but luckily Cloud walks over to me instead of waiting for me to come to him. He puts his arms around me wordlessly, holding me tightly against his chest as my arms hook around his waist. I don't have any hope of stopping my tears now, no matter how hard I try, so I give up and let them flow from my eyes freely.

"I'll come back for you, I promise," Cloud whispers against my hair.

I nod my head against his chest, letting him know that I believe him. No matter how hard it's going to be for me while he's gone, as long as I have the hope of him returning, I know I can get through it. The ShinRa Company truck that has pulled into town honks its horn suddenly; a deafening sound which I instantly recognize as being the signal that they have to go.

Cloud pulls back from me reluctantly, wiping the tears away from my eyes with his thumbs so that I can see him. Our eyes lock for a moment, and then he leans in towards me, capturing my lips in a passionate kiss despite the fact that most of the town, as well as our parents, could be watching. I can't find it in me to care about anything else at that moment though, and I throw my arms around his neck as I kiss him back.

When he pulls back from me finally, his eyes are burning with emotion. "I love you, Tifa," he says earnestly.

My breath hitches in my throat then, because as long as Cloud and I have been together, he's never actually said those words. I don't doubt even for a second that he means them though; I know he wouldn't say it if he didn't really mean it. I beg my voice to start working again so that I can tell him how much I care about him, but right then the truck's horn sounds once more, and Cloud starts to take a step away from me. He walks over to pick up his bag, tucking his birthday present under his arm, and that's when I'm finally able to force the words from my mouth.

"I love you, too!" I call over to him, not caring in the least who else might happen to hear me.

Cloud turns back to look at me, a huge smile spreading across his face, and he strides quickly back to where I'm standing. He takes my cheeks between his hands, bringing my face to his, and kisses me one last time. We both know that we're out of time then, and he has to get going, so after throwing me one last smile he turns back towards the truck and disappears into the crowd in a matter of seconds.

It's a strange feeling, watching someone so important to me walking away and knowing that I'm not going to see him again for a long time, maybe even several years. It's almost ironic, because before he started talking to me that day he walked me home in the rain, he was just another one of the boys in town to me. Now though, he's quickly become my whole world, and I feel like half of me is going with him, leaving me incomplete.

It's hard to watch him go, maybe even harder than anything else I've ever had to do before, but I try to tell myself that crying about it is silly. Cloud is doing this for me, so he can be able to take care of me, and doing that will make him happy, so I have to support him no matter what. He loves me, so that will have to be enough to hold us together until he gets back. Besides that, I'll see him again, I know I will; he promised me.

**To be continued…**

**(A/N) **I was going to update this several days ago, but Fanfiction was being weird… Anybody else get that "login/submission area glitch" message? O.o

Anyway, thanks for the reviews everyone! :D You guys know how much I love you, right? ;)

-punkiemonkie


	8. Chapter VIII

**Holding On  
**Chapter VIII

Time passes on, and although the pain of being away from Cloud is almost too much to bear for the first few weeks that he is gone, it slowly begins to subside as more days go by, though I still can't force myself to visit our place on the hill by myself. I'm able to cling to the fact that I know he loves me, and I savor every word that he writes in the letters he sends to me frequently. He writes to me at least once a week, and thankfully the letters get delivered quickly, so I'm even able to write back to him before he writes to me again.

In his letters, Cloud tells me about everything that's been happening to him since he joined ShinRa. I've asked him before to describe what Midgar is like, but he wasn't able to find the right words to explain it to me, so he promised to take me there someday. I hear a lot about his roommate; a boy that is only a few years older than Cloud, but is already a second class SOLDIER.

His name is Zack Fair, and according to Cloud, he's been helping him with the intense training that the recruits have to go through in order to get accepted into the ranks of SOLDIER. I hadn't realized it before, but I think getting into SOLDIER must be Cloud's ultimate goal. SOLDIER's are renowned for their strength and heroism, so I suppose if Cloud wants to be one of them, I can't complain.

Cloud always asks me how my father and I are doing too, though I don't ever have much to tell him, since nothing that I'm doing is nearly as exciting as what he's constantly surrounded by now. He tells me he loves me and promises that we'll see each other again soon at the end of every one of his letters, and even though I know he probably won't be able to come and visit for a long time, believing that I'm going to see him eventually is comforting.

I'm absolutely terrified when he tells me in one of his letters that he's gone through enough training, and although he's nowhere near good enough to be able to join SOLDIER yet, ShinRa is shipping him off to go fight in Wutai. He assures me that he will be fine, and that his squad probably won't even see any action, but I still worry about him. His letters continue though, even while he's in the far away country of Wutai, though they do take a bit longer to arrive.

About a year has gone by now in this manner, where my only contact with Cloud has been from his letters, but I've kept myself so busy by taking both piano and martial arts lessons that I don't have much time left to worry about him. While I'm lying awake at night though, thoughts of something bad happening to him always try to creep up on me. Everything had been going fine despite my anxieties, at least up until about a month ago, when his letters suddenly stopped.

At first I tried to tell myself that he was probably just busy, because when I asked his mother about it she said that she hadn't heard from him either, but every day that I don't find a letter from him in my mailbox my fears continue to grow. I've tried to distract myself from it, but lately I've been having nightmares almost every time I shut my eyes. My mind has conjured up every possible thing that could be keeping him from writing letters anymore, and all I can do is pray that I'm wrong about all of it.

It's the middle of September now, and it's raining outside today, though not very heavily. In response to the bad weather, my martial arts teacher, who holds class outside, canceled my lessons for the day. With nothing else to do, I've been lying on my bed for most of the afternoon, trying to occupy myself with a book. This is yet another attempt to keep myself from wondering when, I refuse to think _if_, I'll hear from Cloud again. A sudden knock on my front door breaks into my concentration though, and I'm puzzled as to who it could be in the middle of the day.

I place a bookmark on the page that I was reading and slide off of my bed, intent on going downstairs to see who is at the door. When I'm about halfway down the staircase the person outside knocks again, and the sound is louder now that I'm closer. Even more curious now, I speed up my pace; stepping over to the door quickly and unlatching the lock before finally pulling it open a bit so I can see the person standing on my porch.

I'm not all that surprised to see that it's Cloud's mother standing before me, because I do see her quite often, but the expression on her face has my heart instantly thumping harshly against my ribs. She looks absolutely horrified, and her eyes are red around the edges, like she's been crying recently. She doesn't say anything at first, and I can't find any words for her either, so she instead extends her arm to give something to me. I take it from her, noticing vaguely that it's a plain white envelope, and I glance back up at her when she finally speaks up.

"This came in the mail today," she says, and her voice has an unusual hoarse and solemn sound to it; nothing like the cheerful woman that I'm used to seeing. "I think you should read it too," she explains.

I swallow thickly, looking down at the envelope in my hand. "Thank you," I say, my voice so quiet that it could barely be qualified as a whisper.

She turns away from me then, walking back towards her house through the now misting rain; apparently intending for me to read whatever is inside the envelope while I'm by myself. I push the door shut slowly, suddenly felling light-headed and almost queasy with anxiety. I decide to take it up to my room before I open it, but on the way upstairs I catch myself reading the front of the envelope. I notice that it's not from Cloud like I had originally expected, but rather addressed as being from the ShinRa Company, to the parents of Cloud Strife.

This knowledge somehow makes me even more nervous, and by the time I shut my bedroom door behind myself and crawl onto my bed, I feel as if I'm about to pass out from all of the stress. I peer down at the envelope, realizing that my hands are trembling as I begin to open it. There is only a single sheet of paper folded up inside, and only after taking a few deep breathes can I convince myself to look down at it.

The paper looks professional, and there are a lot of formalities in the beginning of the letter. I skip over them quickly, trying to figure out what it means. I find my answer soon enough though, when my eyes lock onto a specific sentence towards the end of the last paragraph, one that reads, "We regret to inform you that your son, an infantryman named Cloud Strife, was killed in action in Wutai".

The rest of the letter is more sympathies and impersonal condolences, ones that I read over in a state of numbness, at least until I cannot see the words on the page any longer. I realize belatedly that it's because my eyes are overflowing with tears, and they're splattering onto the paper as they run down my cheeks and drip off of my chin. I double over at the waist, suddenly feeling as if I can't get enough air into my lungs, because the awful aching in my heart is not allowing me to breathe.

I had been wrong before, when I believed Cloud's promises that he would be coming back for me no matter what. I was so naive to believe that if he would just tell me that he was going to be okay, and then it would actually work out that way, and he wouldn't get hurt. He can't keep his promise to me anymore though, because he's gone now, and he's _never_ going to be coming back for me like he said he would.

**To be continued…**

**(A/N) **Oh the tragedy! D: The story isn't over though; we've still got one more chapter left. ;) I didn't actually plan on updating my other in progress story, _To Have Loved and Lost, _at the same time as this one, but I do think it's rather funny how the last update on that one sort of relates to this one… Those of you that are reading both should see the irony. :P

Thank you, thank you, thank you all so much for the reviews! :D

-punkiemonkie


	9. Chapter IX

**(A/N) **I decided to update a few days early, just so I could wrap up this story. :3

**Holding On  
**Chapter IX

I only stayed in Nibelheim for a few months after receiving the news of Cloud's death, until I finally couldn't stand being there anymore, because the memories of him were everywhere and they were all just too painful for me to stand. At the age of seventeen, I left the little town that I grew up in and went by myself to go live in Midgar, eventually ending up renting an apartment in the slums and working as a waitress in a local café.

It was a frightening thing, being all alone in a city that enormous, but it did ease the pain in my heart to be somewhere unfamiliar. I had been living there a few weeks when I made my first friend; a kind girl named Aeris that showed up in the café where I was working. The two of us quickly bonded, brought together by a common event in our past. She too had lost a man she loved to the Wutai war, who I later found out had actually been Cloud's friend that was in SOLDIER, Zack.

Time passed by steadily, and the longer I was away from my old home the easier it became to come to terms with all of the things that happened to me there. About three years after I had been living in Midgar, a man with short dark hair and kind brown eyes came into the café to have a cup of coffee. I didn't pay him any mind at first, but he insisted on introducing himself to me, so every time that he showed up in my workplace after that the two of us begin talking and steadily getting to know each other. Soon I began to see him outside of the coffee shop as well, and he eventually became one of my closest friends.

Though my heart still hurt from losing Cloud, he made me happy, and before long I even began to consider him to be more than just my friend. By some miracle, he was able to understand the pain I was still dealing with, and being with him started to heal me. We dated for several years after that, and when the time came that he asked me to marry him, I was ready to say yes.

It's been ten years now since the day I learned that Cloud wasn't going to be coming back to me, and I now live in a small house on the upper plate of Midgar. I've been married for almost five years now, with a nearly four year old son and another one on the way, growing inside of my belly. I fell in love with working in the coffee shop below the plate, so I now run my own café that's down the street from our house, called Seventh Heaven. It's a simple life, but one that brings me daily joy.

While I'm doing dishes one afternoon, there's suddenly a knock at the front door. I hesitate, trying to figure out how I'm going to be able to answer it, because I'm covered in soapy bubbles up to my elbows. My son is playing at my feet too, so I don't want to leave him alone in the room. Luckily though, as I'm leaning back to peer out of the kitchen and towards the front of the house, I see my husband come down the stairs and walk over to the door.

I sigh in relief, glad that he heard it without me having to call for him, but I decide to dry my hands off just in case whoever it is at the door has come to see me. I rinse the soap off of my skin quickly, and after drying off on a dishrag and lift my son into my arms, balancing him on my hip as I start to move towards the front door. Sure enough, my husband comes around the corner a moment later, looking confused.

"There's someone at the door asking to see you," he explains, taking the little dark-haired boy from my arms.

I walk past him, puzzled as to who could be at the door that my husband wouldn't already know. I pull the door open when I get to it, and when I look up at the face of the man standing outside my heart nearly stops beating. He's quite a bit taller, a lot more muscular and his cheeks are covered in blond whiskers, but the bright blue eyes staring back at me leave no doubt in my mind; this is Cloud.

He stares back at me silently, seeming to realize that I need a moment to get my vocal chords to start working again. Even when I am able to force words from my lungs, they still come out in a faint whisper.

"Cloud?" I ask, though there's really no need for me to verify who he is, because I'd know him anywhere.

A wry smile lifts the corners of his mouth slightly. "Hey, Tifa," he says quietly.

The sound of his voice, though it's a little deeper and more raspy than I remember, sends chills down my spine from hearing it after believing for so long that I would never get to again. It takes me another moment to regain my composure, but then I tell him the first thing that comes to my mind.

"They told me you were killed," I choke out, realizing that it's still hard for me to talk about, even though he's standing right here.

Cloud glances away from me, and I see a look of pain flash in his eyes. "ShinRa covered it up," he almost growls, and then he turns back to me, drilling me with a serious stare. "Sephiroth, the first class SOLDIER that everyone praised as a hero, he lost his mind during one of his missions in Wutai; slaughtered every one of the men that were under his command."

I swallow, nearly frightened by the emotionless way that Cloud says this, but trying to keep my focus on the information that he's giving me.

"What does that have to do with you?" I ask hesitantly.

His face softens a little when he seems to realize that he was scaring me, though his words aren't any less horrifying as he answers my question.

"The squad that Zack and I were in happened to run across the scene right after it occurred," he explains. "ShinRa couldn't afford any information about one of their best men committing a crime like that getting out to the public, so they couldn't risk letting any witnesses to that crime walk free."

I shiver involuntarily, knowing that this must be the reason why he was gone, and the explanation for why Zack was suddenly declared to have been killed in action in Wutai, just like Cloud was. A faraway look appears in Cloud's eyes as he speaks again, and I know he must be reliving the horrors that he's telling me about now.

"Rather than killing us, they held us all prisoner," he continues gravely. "Me, Zack and a few other guys were able to break out of there a few weeks ago, but I think ShinRa probably already executed the rest, to prevent another escape attempt."

He's avoided my eyes for most of the time he was telling me his story, but when he's done he looks back up at me. It's easy for me to see the pain in his eyes, and how all of these horrifying things that have happened to him in the past ten years have changed him. As he gazes at me though, a smile begins to appear on his lips. It's one of those genuine smiles that lights up his eyes, and in that moment I catch a glimpse of the boy that I was in love with so many years ago.

"You look really good, Tifa," he says, his eyes drifting down to my swollen stomach.

I smile back at him, thankful for the change of subject. "You do too," I agree. I step to the side of the door automatically, realizing that I've left him standing on my porch this whole time. "You're welcome to come in, if you'd like," I offer.

Cloud's smile fades then, but he doesn't look unhappy, just resigned. He leans towards me carefully, and my eyelids slide closed as I feel him press his lips gently to my forehead for a short moment. He pulls back from me, though his face still remains mere inches from mine. When I open my eyes once again I see that his smile has returned, though it looks somber this time as he stares back at me for a long, silent minute.

"I will always love you," he says softly.

I close my eyes again, my heart squeezing almost painfully from his words as I try in vain to stop the tears from breaking free and rolling down my cheeks. Cloud's next words are nearly silent, but he's so close to me that I'm able to hear them clearly.

"But you have a life here," he continues. "And I don't belong in it anymore."

By the time I'm able to wipe my tears away enough that I can see, Cloud is already several yards from me, walking down the path that leads away from our house. I try to force myself to call out to him, to beg him to come back, but I just can't seem to find my voice. There's nothing wrong with my throat though, I realize; I just know that Cloud is right. We've been apart too long, and I've moved on out of necessity, so no matter how much I want there to be a place for him in my life, there just isn't one anymore.

I watch him go silently, knowing that all I can do is pray that he will find something to ease the ache in his heart, like I have. A small smile forms on my lips, because I realize that even after everything I had to go through, Cloud _did _keep his promise to me after all. We can't be together, and both of us will have to endure pain over this, but he came back for me, just like he promised he would.

xXxXx

It had been over ten years since I had last been there, but after seeing Cloud at my doorstep that day, I was finally have to return to Nibelheim, and go up to sit on top of our hill. It hadn't changed much, though the tree did look a bit larger, and once I got there I realized that this was something I needed to do a long time ago; to come back here so I could finally let go of the hurt I felt over losing Cloud. I had thought at one time that I had finally gotten completely over it, but I know that just like the locket he gave me when I was sixteen, the one that I could never force myself to get rid of, I had still been holding on to hope that I would see him again someday.

I'm happy now, and I'm more than grateful for everything that I have, but somewhere in the back of my mind I know I will always have to live with wondering what it could have been like if Cloud hadn't left to join ShinRa, and we had gotten to be together. I know though, that no matter how much time goes by, I will never forget the time that I spent with Cloud, and a part of my heart will always belong to him.

**The End**

**(A/N) **Because true love is wanting happiness for the person you care for, no matter what that means for you. :3

I cringe at having to write any kind of character/OC, especially with Tifa or Cloud, but maybe that's part of what makes this a tragedy. O.o I apologize for not warning about that pairing, because I know that, like me, a lot of people don't like that sort of thing. I felt that it would ruin the plot if I warned you though, and the ultimate message of the story _is _still Cloud/Tifa, so…don't kill me, okay? ;) I seriously need to figure out some good names for original characters; it gets tricky trying to avoid that all the time. O__O

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed!  
_ceebabyyx, Cloudtail4ever, EverythingRPG, goatgod, Heloeyes, kitsune13, Lady Strife, lady yuna7, Murii, MyfinalfantasyVII, PostBoxRomance, P.P.V.V, pythagorasrulz, rmarcilanii, Sheiky, Soniax, SugarHoney91, TooColdToShiver, Toons, Twilight-Imp-626, _and_ vx-Luna-xv._

And thank you to anyone that added this story to their alert or favorite list, and to anybody that will review/add this in the future. :D

-punkiemonkie


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